Refreshed!

It is Sunday evening and I did in fact survive this odd week. It took some work though! My last blog gives the details of what made this week so odd/ unpleasant and now I will follow-up with the "refreshed" part. :D

Yesterday, I was just feeling off. Like my "energy" was out of wack. Mind and spirit not aligned. Something... just... uncomfortable in my world. I, of course, tried to analyze this to figure out what exactly was going on and I came to the conclusion that there are a lot of things that I need to figure out and many are a bit out of my control. Others I just can't seem to get myself to accomplish! My physical energy has been waxing and waning oddly due to the cold and my starting running. The cold and lung issues brought me down; the running I had just starting doing again gave me tons of energy. Unfortunately, the running energy is a bit hyper-like. Hard to explain, really. Anyways, all combined, I was really uncomfortable and really just wanted to run it off. But my lungs still weren't quite up to par so I "lifted" for about an hour. To clarify, when I say "lifted" that means hand weights, fit ball, floor exercises, etc. A start in the right direction, all from the comfort of my own home. ;)

That only calmed me a little so I decided to call my Dad for some financial advice. That talk did help (oops, haven't gotten to that project today!) but as I grocery shopped, I was still struggling with myself a bit. In the end, I stayed in for the night. When it was too late to start another project, I watched some Internet TV until I was tired. I crawled into bed and wrote in my journal. I finished that writing with peaceful, refreshing, new start words and feelings.

It worked. I woke up today and I feel drastically better. I've accomplished a lot, although there is always so much more to do. I went for a brisk walk in the drizzle early this evening and even managed to run for a few blocks without my lungs conking out on me. Yippee!!! Now I must eat and then get back to the projects. But I will do so with a smile on my face and a deep cleansing breath.

Yay for fresh starts!!!

My drama... ugh.

Today has not been my most favorite day, I have had many, many, many way better days. The reason today was not so fantastic, you ask; well, let's go back a few days.

I've had a bit of a cold over the past week. And actually I think I may have been fighting it for longer because I've had some sporadic fatigue the past few weekends. This Monday it finally hit me and I was wiped out. I stayed home and slept a large portion of the day on Tuesday and thought things were better by Wednesday. Before I forget, the odd part about this "cold" is that I barely had a runny nose or anything- there was a little sinus pressure and a scratchy throat but the allergy pill I take seemed to be controlling most of the symptoms. But apparently not all...

Yesterday at work, my chest started to feel tight. (uh oh.) I dictate at my job and was struggling to get all the words out in one breath like normal. I used my albuterol inhaler and by late afternoon was feeling better. But last night my cough (since Monday) and the (new) tightness were back. But I just chilled and did research for my Halloween costume and then tried to get a good night's sleep. This morning on my drive to work... used the inhaler again. (This is not good!) I started working on the morning placentas and stopped after only two to go sit at my desk to try and get some air in my lungs. (UGH!) While sitting there trying to breathe, after using the inhaler again, I decided research was in order and looked up early symptoms of an asthma attack. (Not looking good...) I attempted to go back to work and had a chat with a coworker with asthma about how she knows when to go see a doctor. I then decided that I should probably call the doctor before I passed out and while I could still drive myself across town.

Four hours, a nebulizer treatment, pulse-ox tests, and a trip to the pharmacy later, I finally made it back to work. And of course there was tons of work to do but my pathologist for the day rocked and helped me out with all of it. Needless to say, I'm completely exhausted. Struggling to breathe is equivalent to some really hard aerobic workout- it takes everything out of you. I'm still tired and I can actually breathe a mostly normal depth breath now.

Breathing, while essential to life, should not be taken for granted. Be glad for that deep breath of air. Enjoy it!

Oh and I must say thanks to my buddy Evan who talked to me on the phone while I drove to my doctor's office and successfully kept me nice and calm. Friends are almost as essential as breathing, I think.

A fun list

Interesting things that have happened to me over the past few weeks:

• Avenue Q- Sesame Street for adults, wow.


• Moving into smaller apartments


• Rode on the back of a scooter at 1:30am in a skirt- Brrr! but fun!


• Went to a concert of a band I had never heard- Steven Kellogg and the Sixers ROCK!


• Met a very grumpy ex-new yorker- :(


• Remet a very interesting actor- :)


• Started running again - :D


• Fall colors in the mountains - really lovely!


• Drove over Guanella Pass from I-70 to 285 - I wasn't sure it could be done and it was very pretty!


• Watched a friend lose her first loved one, very gracefully


• Was reminded of how clueless I am about dating, again


• Discovered that make-up really isn't necessary to my appearance


• Forgot my ex- wedding anniversary


• Discovered I'm totally sixteen again and completely boy crazy- :P


• Came to the conclusion that I really want my world to be in a fine fettle

I probably should get to work on that last one.

Welcome to Autumn and October!!

Oh yeah, I also went to a Rockies game!

Packing... again

Well this must be short because I have lots to do before Friday. I'm moving, again.

I'm really excited about this new apartment. It's adorable and in a great location! But I'm not stoked to be going through the moving process again. And it's making me wonder what is going on in my head that I can't seem to stay put for even a year. Does it mean it is time for me to leave Denver at the end of this year? Or does it mean that I just need to commit... to something? I know I want to start taking classes in January but I don't yet know if that will happen here or somewhere else. I don't really like limbo but I keep putting myself there and I'm starting to wonder why.

What am I waiting for?


Enough pondering. I better get back to packing!!! EEK!

Changes, changes, changes!

I've been toying with the idea of change for a few months, multiple changes to be exact. This week some actual change occurred. First, my dog moved into his new home. His new place has a huge backyard and lots more space inside than I've had in years! He was a little sad to see me go but I think he will be super happy with the new arrangement, especially considering he already likes his new "mom". And how am I handling my "empty nest"? I've been kind of avoiding my apartment, actually. It's weird to be there without him. In some ways its a lot easier to do things, like walk; but it's odd not to have company for a movie or when I'm sleeping. So... I'm moving! [Do I run away from things or what?!] Seriously though, I don't really care for my current neighborhood and I was trying to decide if I would stay or go from Denver...

Josh saying goodbye to Simon. Sniff, sniff...



On for the second change that occurred this week: I had a phone interview for a job in Iowa and shortly thereafter decided that I'm not ready to leave Denver. I had not realized how hard leaving here would be! I have a ton of friends here and we're not just talking "acquaintances". These are true friends that are there for you when you're down or supportive when you are working on a big decisions or just to hike with, have a beer with or chill in grubby clothes after a long day. That is hard to come by... and leave, especially such a big group! So I decided to reassess my finances and look for a short term, less expensive apartment. I found one on Craigslist the first day I looked. I looked at the apartment today and I will not be seeing any others. It's perfect! The location is just blocks from two friends' home and therefore, closer to all my girlfriends, on top of being a much nicer location anyways. The price will save me a good amount of money without losing much space. The apartment is nicely kept with fresh paint and new carpets and cabinets. And it's a sublease for a girl that is moving into a house with her fiance' and the lease ends at the end of the year. Perfect. She and I agree and now we just need to go through the official channels. I'll be moving in two weeks. (Anybody wanna help?? :D )

The other thing, that I had decided a few weeks ago is that I will be starting school in January. Now I have a place to live until then. Between now and then I have two major goals: to find a second job to help get my finances ready for school and to figure out where I'm going to do this schooling (Iowa with a new job or Denver).

That's all the major stuff that I have going on. Oh and I'm supposed to go on a first date on Tuesday...



Ah, the adventures of Jen...

Funny story

So the past week or so has been entertaining to say the least and while I have many stories, right now there is just one I want to share.

A very good friend of mine is moving back to Denver (YAY!) and she decided to drive her apparently old, non-air-conditioned car the 1800 miles it will take to get here. She was telling me how she was going to drive 12+ hours days and get the trip done in two days, which originally would have put her arriving today. Well, she didn't get started driving until last night due to a variety of things, including super hot weather so I wasn't expecting her until tomorrow at the earliest. And no big deal really- I'll be excited to see her whenever she arrives! I called her a few times last night to check in and keep her entertained on the road. At one point she tells me that she doesn't think she will make by Wednesday night. My response is that I'm not surprised and didn't expect her until Thursday because of how late she left. She then says, "You are going to laugh at me. Part of the reason I won't make it until Thursday is because..." wait for it... " i have a date in St Louis". Yes, you read that correctly, she has a date during her road trip!!! OMG!!! I had a friend tell me once that you shouldn't drive more than 1000 miles for sex but stopping on a road trip for a date (no sex!)- unheard of! At least in my world. It's not like she is on a fun, sight-seeing road trip- this one is quick and to the point so she can start school and work. But on the other hand she has no reason to rush, so when a guy she knows asked her to have lunch with him, no better yet catch a baseball game, since he'll be visiting St Louis while she's driving though, why would she say no?! And to top it off, another guy wants to meet up with her after the game! Neither of these two fellows live in St Louis, they just happen to be there at the same time as her. I'm speechless (well apparently my hands aren't) all I can do is laugh! And I'm still laughing about it!

This girl is a riot and I love her to death! Life in Denver is about to get much more entertaining! Can't wait!!

The silence...

It was a rather intense week with a variety of stressful things popping up. The previous weekend was busy with very little sleep due to some early morning activities. While many good things have happened in the past week too, I was ready for a quiet weekend. My dog is on a trial run with a possible new family so I'm all alone in my apartment. My only set plans for the weekend was a baby shower this afternoon, that I very much enjoyed. And it's raining... and gray... and rather cool... and I can't think of anything more perfect right now. The peace in the sound of the rain, the calmness of the gray skies, the lack of responsibility to anyone but me is all rather blissful right now. It's a rare moment. It is a blessing. And while I do feel a little lazy for not working on all the many things I need to be, I feel like I shouldn't pass up such a great opportunity. Peacefulness isn't a given; silence is a rarity; a two day weekend not completely planned is as refreshing a deep breath of cool, moist, mountain air.

*sigh*

Bliss.

Tomorrow I'll be busy cleaning, organizing, and catching up on bills and applications; but today I'm enjoying the silence.

I DID IT!!

I'm still finding it a bit surreal but I did it. I rode all 150 miles of the MS150 this weekend, every hill included- and there were some doosies!

I was nervous all last week. By thursday, I was freaking out. By friday, after my pup Simon had had another seizure, I was practically fighting off anxiety attacks when I thought about it. We're talking, when I got home from work, I broke down into tears. I did some packing and cried again. Etc., you get the picture. I IMed with Josh during my downtime at work and he gave me more pointers and reiterated some from before. Very good coach, that one! I had a carb-loading dinner with the girls and everyone told me I'd be fine again. I headed home to shower and sleep and sent my friend Matt a text asking for a pep talk. He was around and gave me my last bit of peppy advice that got me to the starting line the next morning. Not even sure what he said that was different or if he said anything different; might just have been that I needed one more person to believe in me. As my friend Evan told me last night after it was all over, I was the only person that doubted that I could do the ride.

Funny how we can get ourselves all riled up time and again, when all it really takes to get through something is a little faith in ourselves. It definitely helps to having incredibly supportive friends though. You should have seen the girls at the finish line. Andrea practically ran to me afterwards to give me a hug, both days. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it!

So thanks to everyone that believed in me! And thanks to all those that gave me pep talks, rode with me, cheered me on and supported me time and again as I made it through this journey.

Now on to the next big challenge of the summer- RAGBRAI!!

Motivation

I think we all know how hard it can be to pull ourselves out of a rut, whether that rut is 30 minutes long, 5 hours, 5 days, or 5 years. It's always hard to take that first step and not sit back down afterwards. I laughed as I was typing that because I soooo understand that. It seems safer to sit back down and it's soooo easy. Even though we know that we are happier, healthy, rejuventated, and get to experience success when we finally keep walking (or biking, as the case may be).

Tonight, my dog and I walk. Tomorrow, I ride and continue to ride according to the schedule I have made myself. The thought is almost as terrifying as it liberating. So funny. *deep breath*

Well... here we go.

Oh and don't wish me luck, this one I have to do on my own (but you are welcome to ride with me if you want!)

More on MS150

First I want to say thanks to all those that so quickly jumped up to support me on this adventure I decided to undertake. Your response has been really touching. Thank you! We finally had some nice weather at a time when I could enjoy it so I took my new bike out for a ride with my friend Amy on Saturday. 20 miles barely but it's a start!! As my training gets underway, I'm going to give the floor to my dear friend Kerri for a moment and let her explain in more detail why I am doing this ride.

*************
Hello All,

Some of you that read this letter know me, and others will not, but as Jen has shared with you, I was diagnosed with MS in November of 2002. I cannot begin to explain what a shocking revelation this was for me, as before this time, I had always had very good health. As a matter of fact, when the symptoms first showed up, I had just returned from a month long trip on my own across Europe.

It started with a slight tingling in my neck, and then within four months a tingling that ran down the entire back of my body. After 4 MRI’s, 1 spinal tap and a WHOLE lot of blood work, my doctor let me know that MS was the cause of my physical discomforts.

I am blessed with a wonderful support system of family and friends, as well as the best neurologist a person could wish for, but this physical opportunity is still a lot to deal with. The medication I began with required a shot once a week (with a 1 ½ inch needle!!) . I used to be absolutely terrified of needles, I got over it. My Dad was even more terrified of needles. He got over it too.

After the first year when I did my annual MRI’s, it turned out that I had new “burn spots” on the back of my neck in the area that affects my legs. Even before seeing these MRI’s I knew that things were not going as smoothly as we would want because I was so exhausted all the time. I also was having challenges when I tried to walk. I used to go for walks in the mountains, but I had one of my major “exacerbations” out there and was almost in a position where I had to ask my girlfriends to carry me back to the car. I tell my legs to move, and sometimes my left leg will just drag and I trip and fall. Then other times, I am holding something in my hand like a pen -and all the sudden my hand just throws it across the room without my willing it to be so. My personal philosophy is such that I believe that this is an opportunity to learn and grow from, but I will not deny that there are days that this opportunity can be quite humbling.

I started on a different medication (Rebif) in 2004. It requires me to take a shot 3 times a week. I have to structure my life with the awareness that whatever I do, I need to plan on having my shots with me. The medication has been working well very well, it burns when it goes in –but knowing the benefits that come from the shots makes it more bearable. I am getting ready to go on a trip to Spain and Morocco for 2 weeks. I know even just a decade ago I would not have been able to make a trip like this because without my shots, I would still be experiencing the extreme fatigue and decreased ability to walk. But because of all the amazing research that has been done, I have more freedom than I might have at any previous time. I cannot begin to tell you how thankful I am for that. In saying so, I must also say that I was amazed and honored when Jen let me know that she would be doing this trip in the honor of myself and my mother (who was diagnosed in 2007 and oddly, is not my biological mother.) I know that the money is incredibly helpful to the MS foundation, but it is not just that. It is knowing that there are people out there that care so much and are willing to try and help to make a difference. My thanks to Jen and all who support her on this venture, be it financially, emotionally, physically or prayerfully –and I believe all are equally powerful.

To finish, I want to say thank you to all of you who are willing to take the time to read this, and my best wishes to you all.

Namaste’

Kerri
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MS150

Well, I might be crazy but I signed up for the MS150 today.

What is that you say? The MS150 is a 150 mile bike ride, spread-out over two days. The point of all those miles is to raise money for Muscular Sclerosis research and awareness about MS in general. I have a friend that has been living with MS for a number of years now. The medication she receives is pretty new stuff (ie, the result of research). It helps her tremendously, but she never can completely forget she has MS. The medication is in the form of shots given throughout the week. She can't miss them no matter where she is in the world, and she likes to travel! These shots keep her from experiencing what she calls an exacerbation, which can take the form of temporary blindness in one eye, weakness in one or both legs, etc. Unfortunately, the medication isn't foolproof and she does still have these episodes but luckily very infrequently. Her life has changed since this diagnosis but she has handled it beautifully. In the time that she has had MS, my friend has completed her BA, MA and is now in the midst of working on her PhD, all while continuing to work a full time job- which happens to be a home based business. She is a superhero if you ask me. So I ride for her. And for her mom, who was just recently diagnosed. These people need our support. Even superheros need a hand sometimes.

Part of my committment to do this ride is raise money for the MS society. Please help me and my friends by making a donation at the link below. Every little bit helps...

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/COCBikeEvents?px=4640114&pg=personal&fr_id=9111

A successful Oscar

So my first blog was about the movie Once. Last night the singers from Once won an Oscar for Best Original Picture. Wow. We saw them live this fall. They were incredible but still in shock over their success. Now they've won an Oscar. Incredible. Truly gives validity to hope and dreams. Here is some footage of them at the Oscars:

Moving

Okay, so I'm going to be delinquent for just a minute. I've been packing all week after work. And I've actually been successful! No, I'm not done yet but I am making really good progress. The end is in sight, I haven't played hookey at all, I've stayed focused and I do believe it is going to pay off. Cross your fingers, but assuming everything stays on track for the next two days, this should be a very smooth moving day. My plan is to have everything, and I mean everything packed and ready to go by Saturday night (except maybe my food). That way when my loving, caring, kind friends that are helping me move show up, we can quickly load, drive, (maybe eat a little) and unload. Quick, painless, finished. Then I can deal with cleaning the old place (I have a few more days for that).

I just wanted to share my enthusiasm. I have actually learned a little bit about time management, finally!

Oh and if you want to help me move on Sunday, just give me a call! ;)

Happy Almost Friday!!